Well friends, I have lots of fresh musings in the works for Snicks but not one is ready to roll. Today I took a day off. Chiro, amazing yoga with Lisa Dumas at Arise, and a long walk through the forest to soak up some sunshine and a bit of magic that hides there and soothes me like no other place.
Lately I have had some really 'crazy' moments and encounters that left me reeling and wanting answers on why I am acting so unlike myself. Maybe 41 years of being a good girl and biting my tongue and tucking away my not so nice thoughts have caught up with me? I can apologize but ...
So I suppose I can only learn from these moments...and to be honest when I look hard at them I still feel just in most of what I felt at the time...whether it be a misunderstanding or not. It's how I felt and I shared my feelings as raw as they were. It doesn't mean they were the truth or right...feelings don't have to be...they are still real and deserve validation sometimes.
When you open yourself to learn I find that the answers often come to you in different ways. Lately I have had some pretty profound conversations with the most unlikely people I am so grateful for. I also often stumble upon the insight I am seeking via social media outlets which always sort of makes me feel a little comfort, like somebody out there is watching over me. A secret internet fairy... a wonderful prince who has tapped into my thoughts and wants to help me find my happily ever after? lol, who knows.
Today I stumbled upon this Manifesto on Elephant Journal written by Andrea Balton, that really spoke to my ponderings...
“‘There’s a good kind of crazy…’ he insisted softly, reaching out to wrap his warm hand around mine. ‘It’s the kind that makes you think about things that make your head hurt, because not thinking about them is the coward’s way out. The kind that makes you touch people who bruise your soul, just because they need to be touched. This is the kind of crazy that lets you stare out into the darkness and rage at eternity, while it stares back at you, ready to swallow you whole.’” ~ Rachel Vincent
If you’ve ever been swallowed by the same eternity—posing as darkness, posing as undomesticated, unscripted, messy you… or if you’re just the foolish kind that jumps off cliffs with no parachute, even though it hurts, because… well, because it’s the right and truthful thing to do…
And if, say you’re somewhat lonely—though not alone, somewhat sad—though not broken, and somewhat tired—though wide awake and restless, please stand up. Take a deep breath. Clear your throat. Look your Self in the eyes. Place your hand over your beaten heart. And let’s declare our independence from the norm.
But first, press play. ‘Cause Crazy without Epic is… just Cray.
1. I will remember what it was like to be born, and all the beautiful things I used to point at before I could speak them. I’ll reinvent curiosity and memorize delight.
2. I will forgive, because no one survives. I’ll keep the bruises but get rid of the blue. I’ll kiss my Judas back. (I have my own crosses to carry).
3. I will believe in ghosts and fairy tales. And elves and science fiction. I won’t declare a world impossible until I’ve tried to build it with my hands and when my pulse shakes like a leaf, I’ll say sure, let’s, why not.
4. I will fight with the sword of my tongue, not my fists. I’ll also fight with my silence and lips. And turn all my blood into metaphor and blossom my way into fierce cherry trees.
5. I will love like it’s the end of the world and the house is on fire. And if it’s not, I’ll bring the matches. I’ll love even when I don’t, or when I lose, or when love’s fleeting like sunsets or thick like bone or long or heavy or boring like the book I’m never done reading and writing.
6. I will live every day like it never happened before or like a tune to a song still unwritten. And I’ll record every hour on my face, and in this short-lived human dilemma, I’ll try to be in all my pictures, heartbeats, adventures and wrinkles.
7. I will dream up my reality. I will not be reasonable or realistic. I’ll write sideways on lined paper and I’ll always put heart over matter and imagination over knowledge.
8. I will create a thousand planets from scratch and then I’ll add them to the Milky Way so I can help expand the universe. I’ll make up a new language out of dust and come up with a hundred different ways to say your name.
9. I will be honest rather than loyal. Because to get through the dark forests of life you need a lamp, not a shadow, and trust is not a blind soldier but the soul’s one and only chief of staff.
10. I will be wild and untamed. I will believe in wolves. I’ll be insane, uncivilized, emotional and personal. And I will take the ring to Mordor even if I don’t know where Mordor is. I’ll be the child I left behind. I’ll be the door and key to me.
11. And when I come to die, the only thing I will regret is leaving all my stories, unfinished, on your chest. But I should hope to live in such a way, that time would breathe me out and back into your lungs, until there’s no more me or you or words or why.
~ Like elephant culture & elephant crazy on Facebook. ~
Co-Founder / Editor in Chief of Rebelle Society, Wellness Alchemist at Rebelle Wellness & Creativity Curator at Creative Rehab. Unfinished book with a love for greens, bikes and poetry; raised by wolves & adopted by people; not trying to make art but to Be Art. Holds a BA in Journalism & Mass Communication, an MFA in Creative Writing & a Holistic Health Coach degree from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition®. In her work she tries to reflect the wholeness of the human experience by combining Art & Health + Brains & Beauty + Darkness & Brilliance into a more alive, unabridged and unlimited edition of ourselves. She is also on a quest to reinstate Creativity as one of our essential Human Rights to (hopefully and soon) be included in the UN Declaration. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter &Instagram and sign up for her Monthly Stroke of Renaissance.
Yesterday, I also found a great piece written by Harris O'Malley a dating coach on the Huffington Post blog called On Labeling Women 'Crazy'. This man has got it mostly figured out.
I know for me this past year, as I have started to really explore my emotions, I get scared or insecure and overeact and push the people closest to me away at times...it's irrational but that's when I need them most. I need hugs and reassurance and understanding...not the anger, defensiveness and lash outs my 'crazies' typically generate. Men and women are so different really...men can be so black and white and women can be so NOT black and white! I have always joked that I have a book called Kerry's Book of Rules...it's imaginary, but trust me I know these rules well. Basically they are things I don't want in a partner. For instance: No baby talk is a big one...it's not something I find attractive in a grown man or woman at all.
I am pretty clear on what I don't want in my book of rules, but I am thinking I need to write a new chapter or two and actually write down on paper with What Kerry Wants and What Kerry Needs. Do you know what you want and need? I am not sure I do exactly...I am pretty easy going and there are some musts like honesty and softness...but I am thinking this might be a great project to be clear myself and pass on to my loves.
Well, that is all for now friends, hope my 'crazies' findings speak to you as well in some small way.